I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
