Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
