Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
