I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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