White coat. Heels.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
