I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
