I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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