Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize