He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Blood and glitter go together right?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
