you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize