can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
