is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
