just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
