note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
