I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
