and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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