Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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