Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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