he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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