There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i've created a new STD.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize