Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
