talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
