I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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