We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
