I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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