"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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