I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
