He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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