I'm gonna have a badass scar
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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