Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
