I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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