I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
