Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize