"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
