I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think my mom watched the whole time
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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