I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
