I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
