Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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