I want you more than these girls want KFC
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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