question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Boobs are out for the taking
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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