Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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