I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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