Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
