i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
