marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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