Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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