Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
