farters have to be the big spoon...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
