i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
