I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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