omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
