Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
