the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
