oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
