one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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