no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
