The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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