I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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