I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
