why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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