I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
