I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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