Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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