My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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