their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
