So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
